For the past few years I only think of my Lolo's and Lola's and other relatives and some close friends whenever this day comes. Never thought that 2011 would bring me a reason to go to the cemetery and actually visit and pray for my own flesh and blood. I was thinking of her the past few days, glancing at her pictures from time to time... I can't help but feel sad. But I guess that sad feeling will never go away.
I have to admit there are times that I feel a painful tug in my heart whenever I see pregnant women, a baby girl, cute little baby stuff... It's too painful that I have to close my eyes and pray hard for me not to feel that self pity and sadness and worst the bitterness for not having my own.
Thank God it doesn't happen all the time. I still find happiness whenever I see babies, and kids running around. I realized the sad feeling will come to me from time to time and I will never be able to avoid it...so might as well embrace it. It'll give me the chance to go back to that moment and contemplate. It's a Life experience that I will forever carry on. I Thank God that this time the pain is actually tolerable. That acceptance is there and the peace of mind that she's in God's loving arms now.
So there November 1 will be a bit dramatic for me... It's one of those special days to remember Gwyneth. I love you so much. To be honest I am extra sad today. But I will get through it. Mommy will, as always cause I know that even though you're up there and I'm down here... you have always kept me on your radar. Thank you my Guardian Angel for protecting me from others and most specially from myself.
You are missed. You are Loved. You're always in my heart and in my mind. Rest in Peace my Sweet Angel Gwen.
