I'm in the arms of Jesus...

Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mama please don't cry.
"Cause I am in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies."
Please, try not to question God,
Don't think he is unkind
Don't think He sent me to you,
and then He changed his mind.
You see, I am a special child,
and I'm needed up above
I'm the special gift you gave Him,
the product of your love.
I'll always be there with you
and watch the sky at night,
Find the brightest star that's gleaming,
That's my halo's brilliant light.
You'll see me in the morning frost,
that mists your window pane.
That's me in the summer showers,
I'll be dancing in the rain.
When you feel a little breeze,
from a gentle wind that blows
That's me, I'll be there,
planting a kiss on your nose.
When you see a child playing,
and your heart feels a little tug,
That's me, I'll be there,
giving your heart a hug.
So Daddy, please don't look so sad,
Mama don't you cry.
I'm in the arms of Jesus
and He sings me lullabies.

Author~Claudette T. Allen

I miss you everyday

Gwen, I wake up and sleep everyday thinking about you. I make sure to look at your pictures everyday for I fear that one day I will forget the beauty of your face. I still wonder where you got your eyes, was it mine or your Dad's? I try to picture you smiling, moving, for some reason I see my smile when I was a baby whenever I think of you smiling. 

Your Grandma Susan said you look like your Dad. Your Dad insisted that you look like me! But staring at your pictures I realized you kinda look like your Dad. But gosh I am bad when it comes to who looks like who. What I know whenever I look at you is that you are your unique self and your the most beautiful baby angel in my eyes... you are my daughter.

I miss you everyday. I long for you and love you so much my angel. 

I know your happy with God right now and even happier knowing that Mommy is doing so much better than the last few weeks. I will continue on living baby. I'll be strong for you and for Daddy and for our family and friends. Mommy wishes to be an inspiration to others who also experienced such loss. 

I still have a long way to go but having God and you as an inspiration I know and believe that I'll be A OK soon.

Dearest Mom and Dad…

A friend gave me this beautiful poem. I can't help but cry and think of my daughter. It's amazing how you can miss someone that you just saw for brief moment. How I long for her each and everyday. I love you so much Gwen.

Dearest Mom and Dad…
When you wonder the meaning of life and love
Know that I am with you
Close your eyes and feel me kissing you
In the gentle breeze across your cheek
...When you begin to doubt that you shall ever see me again
Quiet your mind and hear me
I am in the whisper of the heavens
Speaking of your love
When you lose your identity
When you question who you are
and where you are going
Open your heart and see me

I am the twinkle in the stars smiling down upon you
Lighting the path for your journey
When you awaken each morning not remembering your dreams
But feeling content and serene
Know that I am with you
...Filling your nights with thoughts of me
When you linger in the remnant pain
Wholeness seeming so unfamiliar
Think of me
Know that I am with you
Touching you through shared tears of a gentle friend
Easing the pain
As the sunrise illuminates the desert sky
In that breathtaking brilliance, awaken your spirit
Think of our time together, all too brief, but ever brilliant
When you are certain of us together
When you are certain of your destiny
Know that God created that moment in time
Just for us
I am with you always ...

Where to Look....

I looked up the sky and asked my daughter which part could you be at that way I'd be looking at you directly. I guess I'll never know. One things for sure, my baby girl is in heaven together with God's little angels.

My Angel turns a month old...

I wonder if Angels do grow old but today my daughter Gwen could have been a month old. Nevertheless I celebrate this day. 

Even though my tears fell thinking that she's not here physically to celebrate the day I am still Thankful to God that my Daughter is with Him and the rest of His Angels enjoying a Life without sorrow and pain.

I am no longer the Mother who cries everyday for I now understand that God loved my Daughter so much that He wants to see her immediately. I still carry a broken heart but everyday I feel that God lifts up my spirit. I feel that He is Healing me every minute of the day. I find happiness knowing that my Daughter is our Guardian Angel. That she can never feel the pain and cruelty of the world, that her first sight was God's face.

Today she turns a month old... I will forever cherish the memories she left behind. I will always be Thankful for the experience, for the happiness that she brought us. And although it hurts to know that I will never be able to hold her and take care of her... I will be forever Thankful because having her made me a Mother and I will forever be a Mother to a Beautiful Angel born in Heaven.

July 10 will not be remembered as a tragedy but instead it is the day that I delivered my daughter to God our creator... I will be Forever grateful for God has showed me what Motherly love is.

Last night I sang my heart out and laughed out loud

After 13 long year, the much awaited High School Reunion finally happened. A month ago I didn't even cared for it since I was set to give birth and take care of my child. But God has other plans. And even though theres no Plan B for us Life must go on. And since I'm already here in Davao I went to our reunion and I didn't regret every minute of it.

It's embarrassing though that I can't remember half of them but seeing familiar faces from ages ago made me smile. What I love the most was the time spent with my closest friends from high school.

The topic about losing my child was unavoidable to those who noticed my weight gained and can't help but ask why. I thought that it would be hell to talk about it cause I might cry. But somehow I'm able to hold back the tears. Not that I am trying not to cry but it just didn't happened. I still feel the pain every inched of it whenever I talk about her but somehow that day I was able to deliver it in a relaxed manner. It was also a comfort hearing stories from other friends who also lost their child and even their wife that they are able to get back on their feet by not losing faith in God.

I believe my daughter was there for me and helped me get through the day. I was able to relaxed, smile...most of the time laughed  and plus I sang my heart out.

I had an awesome time! Thank you Dear God.