Woke up early to write something. It's been awhile now and I might just have lost my touch. My thoughts been scattered all over the past weeks... in a good way that is. But the past 2 days now I've been carrying a heavy heart.
I was reading post on FB yesterday and stumbled upon my friend's post. Something about her being sad. I scrolled down and I never imagined a news like that. She lost her kid Karl. I called her and can't help but cry.
I was a bit ashamed of my reaction because I think it would be way better if I stayed calm instead of crying my heart out when I called her. The last time we saw each other was when I lost Gwen. She also lost her first baby years back and when she saw me she hugged me and said everything will be fine.
I called my Mom and told her to help out Karen. If only I can go home and be with her I would. My thoughts and prayers are with Karen and her husband Rubin the past 2 days now. I can't imagine her pain. It's hard to compare pain on whats more painful if it's this situation or that. All I know is it is the most painful experience ... loosing your own child.
This brings me back to Gwen. I can't help it. My heart felt heavy. I can't help but look back on that very day. I remember what clothes I wore that time. The conversations I had. The tears I cried when I heard the news. That moment when I felt so alone. That I'm dead inside. That I will never be the same again.
This whole event made me so emotional. I try to fight it. But I guess I will always be like this whenever it's a topic about babies... about Mom's loosing their child. So it's true I am never the same. I'm forever changed by Gwen. I pray that her sacrifice will not go to waste. That I learn from it. That I'd be a better person because of it. I wish to be an inspiration to others special those that have experience lose. That somehow even if the world seems as dark as the night... you'll actually get through it. Just make sure you keep the Faith.
I promised not to write sad stuff (anymore) here at Gwen's blog... but I'm sure she wouldn't mind. I'm sure she's watching me now. This blog helped me in so many ways. Although I still don't have the guts to read over my old entries. I guess no matter how much I say that I am OK and I have accepted that she's gone... there's still a big part of me that screams Gwen... that longs for Gwen.
Nevertheless I say I survived. I had God backing me up since Day 1. So I'm sure Karen & Rubin will get through this. I know God will never leave them... not for one second.
I ask all the Mothers/Parents and Friends out there to keep Karen & Rubin in their Prayers. To heal their broken hearts... To be at Peace that their Loving son is now in good hands... is now with our Almighty Father.
Kuya Karl, you will be missed big time. But we're happy that you are now free from pain. You're in a good place now. Have Fun. Be your Parents and siblings Guardian Angel. Keep them safe at all times.
Say Hello to everyone up there specially to Gwen. Give her a Big Hug & Kiss for me.
Have Fun Angels!
 |
| RUBIN KARL SORIANO SILAO Born: November 02, 2006 Died: April 16, 2012 |
No comments:
Post a Comment