Last night I breakdown. I can no longer hold back the tears. I ended up calling my boyfriend. After our short talk I went straight to my Moms room and hugged her. I cried like a child asking why did He took my daughter...
After few minutes my Mom was able to bring me back to my senses. I was so ashamed to God as to why I dare ask Him such question. My emotions...my loneliness got the best of me. I prayed hard and asked Him to forgive me. To please continue to hold my hand through this hard times. To stick with me, to take care of my broken heart and heal it in time.
I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life. I don't want to be a burden to my partner, my family and my friends. But this emptiness is consuming me. I feel that I am betraying her memory the minute I laugh out loud or the minute that i stop thinking about her.
But I know that these are all selfish thoughts. My daughter will never want to see me cry and be lonely.
I have to fight this. I have to continue living. I will.
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